I can text with my tongue
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
