Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
