It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So vagazzling was a success
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
