Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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