there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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