i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
