If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
