you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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