Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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