If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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