I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
