two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Operation Purity has been aborted
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
