Porn is love you can see.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
