so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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