His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
