I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
420 ftw
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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