so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
