My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
