stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
