Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
