Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
