And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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