I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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