How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
