who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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