hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
