My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
