Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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