I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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