found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
