And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
