So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
