Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
