the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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