just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
