just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
