As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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