Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
