Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
