Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
