You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
