I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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