Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
