Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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