Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
