I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
