FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
