Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
