I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
