Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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