i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
