Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
