Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
